'Nother sentimental argument and bitter love....Oh wait, that's Worry Rock.
Actually, I've been feeling kind of ill lately, for whatever reason. Ew. Hoping THAT won't continue...I think today at least, it's due to stress and Halloween candy. I'm a bit of a fatass at heart, and I guess I shouldn't be. You won't see me turning this place into one of those health and fitness blogs though, nope. Even if I do start making a bunch of good choices, I'm not going to parade it around or anything. I mean, I SHOULD start doing stuff again...I think my voice is being affected by a lack of activity, and that sucks.
Originally, this was going to be a topical entry about...well I'll save it for when I post that one. But in light of me feeling so odd, I've decided to just write about what's going on right now. Stress and frustration hit me today. I just caught a break from this whole school thing and now it's back and madder than ever. All of a sudden I've got a whole bunch of stuff on my plate again. It's not that it "snuck up" on me due to procrastination either. It's more like I just got out of one asteroid field and now I'm staring down another. Due dates one after the other...and then there's scheduling...ew.
We're at that point in the semester where you realized you lost a few weeks somewhere. They just zipped on by, week after week. When you first think about it, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then you realized the light blinded you for a few seconds and there's really a lot of tunnel left, and it's actually pretty dark.
This is all exceptionally weird considering I used to have classes almost nonstop before now. You know, it was called High School. And now, I can't even handle a few months without moaning. Granted, it is a headache. You want it to go by and go fast, but you don't want to lose your time anywhere. Once time speeds up, it seems, it never slows down. I cannot fathom how fast it'll be moving in ten years, but I'm wise enough now to know that it'll be so fast I can't actually fathom it.
It's weird how I live though. I think about ten years from now and then i don't want to anymore. All I'll think about is what I SHOULD have, and no doubt the me of the present will have no requisites for that future. So then you could say I live in the present. Somehow, though, I'm not a "live in the moment" type of guy. I don't have too many moments I'd like to linger on. Besides, the present is so fleeting. You linger longer than a spilt second and it's dwelling on the past. Have to keep moving. If you keep moving though, you'll go faster than the treadmill of the present and end up in the future. Time is much like Rules of Citation: they're both more confusing than they have any right to be.
You might recall me writing about how everything is routine. Same concept here. You walk the same path too many times and it wears down, then you're in a rut. That's kind of what it feels like.
I'm not into this whole "college" -y thing. I hate the word "scholarly," research is the bane of my existence, and, when it all comes down to it, the whole thing just seems...stuck up. Maybe it's all just too upper class for a shamefully proud middle class kid like me. I wasn't handed everything, but I've never pulled a true all nighter either. I don't consider myself all that hard working. I just have a memory for the mundane. I always say I'm really good at remembering useless information and that's why I'm so good at college. That's the best explanation I have, and it makes it make sense that I hate research papers. They require me to get information on my own...and find a use for it.
It's little things like that that ruin the kinds of challenges I like. I mean, i don't really like challenges at all because I've got a...what do you call it? A hair trigger temper. So maybe challenge isn't the right word. I'm talking about this phenomenon when you're in a class called writing fiction and the first thing the teacher says is "No science fiction" and you're the one wearing the Star Wars t-shirt (granted I still loved that class to death). A lot of college assignments seem really fun, but 95% of the time (and I say 95% of the time because a few weeks ago I got full credit for spending 20 minutes talking about LGBT themes in Fight Club. No strings attached.) the merit of it just being a college assigment makes it too formal to be fun. You have to cite your sources or have four sources or pick something within a specific realm of topics or include an aid or demonstration or...you know, whatever. The closest I came, and you can interpret this however like, to that kind of freedom was in that very same class I used in my example.
But yeah, that's just something that's been bothering the living urine out of me today...well aside from the fact that I think my body's finally shrivelling up into itself...but that's another story. Overall this little random ramble went well I think, and I'm feeling better than I would if I'd stuck to my original plan. So hey, there you go, the me of right now (or more than likely by the time you read this, the me of the past) in a nutshell...well, I think it's safer to say that nutshell is inside a bigger one...
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